no soliciting

He knocked! 

I saw him through the open blinds and I know he saw me.  I continued to the couch and sat.  He’ll see the NO SOLICITING sign and take off but no he knocked again.  I was getting upset but went to open the door.  He was polite enough and started his spiel.  I was polite too – a few tight smiles and head nods but not really listening.  My leg started to itch.  I scratched it and tried keep eye contact.  A few minutes went by and a few more scratches.  Then I decided to go for it.  No one was walking in the neighborhood.  It was a little bit past twilight.  I scratched my leg one more time.  This time standing up and bending my knee up to scratch my calf.  And then I did it.  He moved his clipboard to the side and I kicked him in the crotch as hard as I could.  When he was doubled over I kicked him in the stomach.  He fell down.  I gave him a hard push with my foot that sent him down the steps.  “Learn to read.  NO SOLICITING!” I shouted as I pointed to the sign next to the door on the house.  I walked back inside and heard moaning.  I locked the door and dead bolted it.  I walked to the windows and shut the blinds; one window at a time, watching the guy roll around in pain and trying to get up.  By the time I closed the third blind he had got up and walked away while doubled-over not looking back.  I went into the kitchen for a snack and went to watch TV hoping the rest of the night would be uneventful.


*written by me